Principal Stine

Whodunit?

MS. WALKER

Zeke Matthews! This time you’ve gone too far.

ZEKE

I didn’t do it. I don’t know how that got there. I swear!

PRINCIPAL STINE

Well if you didn’t do it, who did? And how did this paint can get into your locker?

ZEKE

Why not ask Tina? She’s the one who has access to the paint. Or Emile! He’s probably got keys to everything!

MS. WALKER

Who?

ZEKE

Emile, the night janitor.

PRINCIPAL STINE

What? There is no night janitor.

(BROOKE and ZEKE exchange furtive glances. They need to be furtive or the moment just doesn’t work. Like, at all.)

So Zeke, care to explain how this can of paint ended up in your locker?

ZEKE

I don’t know! You have to believe me!

MS. WALKER

Frankly, I don’t know what to believe. Zeke, you are out of the play until further notice.

ZEKE

But—

MS. WALKER

No buts! Principal Stine and I will be discussing this with your parents. And deciding if we have to cancel the play.

BROOKE

Cancel the play? No!

PRINCIPAL STINE

We may not have a choice. And, Zeke, we will also discuss what other punishments might be appropriate. If it’s proven you did this, you’ll be lucky if you don’t get suspended. Or worse.

(MS. WALKER, PRINCIPAL STINE, and TINA exit.)

ZEKE

Suspended? Or worse? What’s worse than suspension? Expulsion? Jail? I mean… what the… what?!?

I’VE GOT TO TAKE A STAND

BEFORE THIS GETS ME BANNED!

BROOKE

IT’S GETTING OUT OF HAND,

I MEAN, LIKE, VERY.

ZEKE

THE STORY’S GOTTEN SCARY.

MY OUTLOOK’S GOTTEN WARY.

BRIAN

TO PUT IT KIND OF BALDLY,

YOUR CONUNDRUM’S GOTTEN HAIRY!

ZEKE

NOW THERE IS BUT ONE SOLUTION

TO PREVENT MY PROSECUTION

BRIAN

RIGHT NOW, ALL ARROWS POINT TO YOU!

BROOKE

IT’S TRUE.

ZEKE

SO WE GOTTA THINK IT ALL THROUGH

AND SOLVE THE MYSTERY!

BROOKE

REVEAL THE PHANTOM’S HISTORY!

BRIAN

I know! LET’S MAKE A LIST TO RECONSIDER EVERY CLUE.

ALL

SOMEONE’S BEHIND IT ALL,

BUT WHO?

(During the following sequence, they generate sketches of the three suspects.)

BROOKE

Brian’s right. Let’s analyze the suspects. Number one: Emile, the scary fake night janitor.

HE’S CREEPY, WEIRD, AND VICIOUS,

AND WHAT’S EVEN MORE SUSPICIOUS

IS HE LIED RIGHT TO MY FACE.

BUT WHAT COULD BE HIS MOTIVE?

AND WITH ACCESS TO A LOAD OF

CLEANING STUFF, WHY LEAVE A TRACE?

ZEKE

To frame me!

BROOKE

HE MIGHT NOT BE INVOLVED.

THE EVIDENCE IS SLIM.

BUT UNTIL WE HAVE A BETTER SUSPECT,

ALL ARROWS POINT TO HIM!

BRIAN

He does seem like a likely suspect.

BROOKE

Yes he does, Brian. But let’s not forget about Tina.

BRIAN

I admit that Tina is a little high-strung. And obsessive. And mean. But she’s also very—

ZEKE

Brian is right! Tina is all those things!

BRIAN

But I also think she is rather committed to—

ZEKE

Good call, Brian. I think it could be Tina.

BRIAN

But—

ZEKE

Tina! Yes, it’s totally possible.

SHE’S ANGRY, NOT OUR BUDDY,

DOESN’T WANT TO UNDERSTUDY,

AND SHE’S GOT A VICIOUS STREAK.

BRIAN

IT FITS UNTIL YOU FACTOR

THAT TO BE THE LEADING ACTOR,

SHE’D NEED BROOKE KICKED OUT, NOT ZEKE.

ZEKE

SHE MIGHT NOT BE INVOLVED.

IT’S LESS PROOF THAN I’D PREFER.

BUT UNTIL WE HAVE A BETTER SUSPECT,

ALL ARROWS POINT TO HER.

BROOKE

Okay. So we have two suspects: Emile and Tina.

ZEKE

Yes, Brooke dear. But you’re forgetting one important fact.

BROOKE

What’s that?

ZEKE

In stories like this, it’s always the one you least suspect!

BROOKE

But in real life, I think we should probably investigate the person we most suspect.

ZEKE

But who is the person we least suspect? Ms. Walker? She’s been acting pretty strangely.

BRIAN

Brooke!

BROOKE

What?

BRIAN

Brooke is the one I least suspect. She has no reason to do it and there’s lots of evidence that she couldn’t be the Phantom. And I can’t imagine she would want to frame you.

ZEKE

That’s true. You make a good point, Brian. Maybe it could be Brooke…

BROOKE

Zeke!

ZEKE

Brooke, Brooke, Brooke!

STRANGE AS YOU MAY FIND IT,

OFTEN TIMES, THE ONE BEHIND IT

IS THE ONE YOU LEAST SUSPECT.

SHE SEEMS SO SWEET AND INNOCENT,

WHILE SCHEMING, DEEP WITHIN, A

SECRET PLAN TO HAVE ME WRECKED!

SHE MIGHT NOT BE INVOLVED.

SHE’S LIKELY NOT A CROOK.

BUT UNTIL WE HAVE A BETTER SUSPECT,

ALL ARROWS POINT TO…

No, this is stupid, it’s not Brooke.

BROOKE

Thank you, Zeke. That’s very big of you.

ZEKE

But I need to clear my name. Right now.

BRIAN

But how can you do that?

ZEKE

Investigate!

BROOKE

So…? Who should we investigate? What should we do?

BRIAN

I think the most obvious suspect is this Emile character. He is beyond suspicious.

BROOKE

There’s one other possibility.

ZEKE

A real phantom? Hmmm. Somebody is “haunting” this school. And it isn’t me. We need proof. And I think I know where to start looking.

BROOKE

You don’t mean—

ZEKE

Yep. This all started when we went down that trapdoor. We need to go back down that elevator, and get proof that there’s a phantom!

TO PREVENT MY PROSECUTION,

BRIAN/BROOKE

AND PROCURE YOUR ABSOLUTION,

ZEKE

I HAVE NO CHOICE,

IT’S CRYSTAL CLEAR WHAT I MUST DO:

BRIAN/BROOKE

IT’S UP TO YOU.

ZEKE

I GOTTA GUM MY OWN SHOE

TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY!

BROOKE

PROVE THE PHANTOM’S HISTORY!

BRIAN

BRAVE ANY TWIST OR EVIL PLOT THAT MIGHT ENSUE

ALL

TO PROVE THE PHANTOM TALE IS TRUE.

SOMEONE’S BEHIND THIS,

AND WE’RE GONNA FIND OUT WHO!