BROOKE (V.O.)

Hey, it’s Brooke. Leave a message! (beep)

TINA (on phone)

HEY BROOKE,

JUST CALLING TO SAY

I’M SO SORRY YOUR BEST FRIEND TRIED TO RUIN THE PLAY.

YOU LOOKED SPOOKED ABOUT THAT PHANTOM THING,

SO THOUGHT I’D GIVE YOU A RING TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY,

JUST BECAUSE I’M, LIKE, A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.

AND I CARE ABOUT YOU, BROOKE,

SO DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, I DON’T MEAN TO OFFEND,

BUT IF YOU FEEL AS BAD AS YOU LOOK, THEN:

TAKE YOUR TIME. DON’T RUSH BACK.

I CAN COVER ESMERELDA’S TRACK WHILE YOU’RE GONE.

AND I’LL SEND YOU GOOD VIBES WHILE I TAKE THE LEAD. (Haha…literally!…just kidding…)

DON’T WORRY, BROOKE, I CAN HANDLE IT.

AND EVERY NIGHT, I’LL SAY A PRAYER AND KEEP A CANDLE LIT FOR YOU.

YOUR COVER’S GOT IT COVERED,

SO TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.

LIKE A WEEK.

OR A MONTH.

OR A YEAR.

Or the rest of your life.

Just kidding!

(Enter MS. WALKER. She is carrying the contents of the package she received earlier in the play. Remember that moment? What was that all about? It seemed odd at the time. It is a stuffed or plastic fish. I guess she is a collector or something. Also the fish is red. And probably a herring.)

TINA

Hi, Ms. Walker. Tough rehearsal, huh?

MS. WALKER

Oh, Tina. I just don’t know what to do.

TINA

I know. Brooke’s just not cutting it. Don’t worry. I’m ready to take over.

MS. WALKER

No, Tina. It’s Brooke’s part. Brooke is Esmerelda and you are the understudy. And it’s not her fault that…someone is disturbing rehearsals.

TINA

But Ms. Walker—

MS. WALKER

No, Tina. Now, where’s Zeke?

(MS. WALKER exits.)

TINA (on phone)

HEY BROOKE,

HOPE YOU’RE DOING FINE.

FIGURED I’D DROP A LINE. (Not literally, ’cause I… totally know all your lines.)

HOW’RE YOU FEELING, BROOKE?

THE RUMOR BACKSTAGE IS

YOU’RE SUPER CONTAGIOUS,

…or injured your spine? I don’t know…

WELL, HOPE YOU’RE GETTING SOME REST.

IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT YOU’RE NOT WELL, YOU

KNOW, ‘CAUSE I’M NICE. AND PRETTY MUCH THE BEST.

WHICH IS WHY I SHOULD PROBABLY BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU:

TAKE YOUR TIME. YOU LOOKED AWFUL.

YOU NEED SLEEP. STAY HOME AND HAVE A WAFFLE (OR TWO).

LET ME KNOW IF I SHOULD TELL MS. WALKER YOU QUIT. NO ONE WOULD BLAME YOU A BIT!

NO NEED TO SAY “THANK YOU”. THE ADVICE IS FREE.

Besides, I KNOW YOU’D DO THE SAME FOR ME, AND MORE,

‘CAUSE HEY, WHAT’S AN UNDERSTUDY BUDDY FOR?

(Enter MS. WALKER.)

TINA

Hi, Ms. Walker!

MS. WALKER

No, Tina.

TINA

I am so ready!

MS. WALKER

No, Tina.

TINA

But—

MS. WALKER

No, Tina.

(MS. WALKER exits.)

TINA (on phone)

But seriously,

TAKE YOUR TIME. WATCH YOUR BACK.

I mean… DON’T RUSH BACK.

I mean… you know what?

DON’T COME BACK! LIKE, AT ALL.

I’M SURE THEY’LL DO ANOTHER PLAY NEXT FALL.

BUT IF YOU CARE ABOUT THIS SHOW, DON’T COME BACK! YOU’RE NOT READY!

STAY IN BED WITH YOUR TEDDY!

BROOKE, I’LL MISS YOU. I REALLY WILL.

‘CAUSE YOURS ARE LITERALLY REALLY BIG SHOES TO FILL,

NO OFFENSE.

(Not to mention so last year, AND KINDA SWEATY…)

SO SINCE YOU’RE FEELING UNSTEADY,

AND I KNOW YOU HAVE THE PLAY’S BEST INTERESTS AT HEART,

LET ME DO YOU A FAVOR AND TAKE YOUR PART.

AND IF I STINK AS YOUR STAND-IN FOR THE PHANTOM’S LOVER,

AT LEAST NO ONE’S GONNA JUDGE YA, BROOKE, BY YOUR COVER!

But I’ll be great, of course, TO MAKE YOU PROUD.

AND I VOW TO THINK OF YOU EACH NIGHT, WHEN I BOW TO THE CROWD

AND I’M WOWED BY JUST HOW DARN LOUD THEY ROAR!

‘Cause hey, WHAT’S AN UNDERSTUDY BUDDY FOR?

OH, BY THE WAY,

THIS IS TINA.

GOODBYE.